Zip Tie Muse for 2013 Reflection and 2014 Living

In a recent joust with one of those stupid little plastic zip tie strips used to attach the tag and cut your fingers if you pull it because you-can’t-find-the-scissors moments, I summed up my inner spirit as I shouted, “I WILL WIN BECAUSE I AM A FIGHTER,” as that damn little plastic torture device popped off the new shirt I wanted to don for the day. I cracked up almost to the point of tears as I realized that someone video taping my little rage against the plastic tag holder would have surely one a million on America’s Funniest Home Videos. After I caught my breath, I paused to realize I meant what I said, I am a fighter. 2013, I proved to you that I am a fighter. I was about to chastise myself for being a little too pop-culturey when I realized, I had been gathering little gems from pop culture to start making sense of the river of thoughts raging in my mind.

To Katy Perry - Yes, 2013, “I let you push me past the breaking point.” “You held me down, but I got up/Get ready ‘cause I had enough/I see it all, I see it now,” and since I am a fighter, I started roaring with words and actions and I’m just getting started. Not infallible, but roaring like a lion all the way. Don’t mistake my quiet for weakness, it’s stalking my prey.

From Katniss Everdeen (Suzanne Collins) - It is true that, “At some point, you have to stop running and turn around and face whoever wants,” to cause you harm, even if that person is you. “The hard thing is finding the courage to do it,” and in 2013, I did. There is still an inner war being waged daily, but I work to make my home District a place where encouraging words, strength and cleansing fire are the norm. A place where retreat is okay as long as it’s to recharge and not to wallow in defeat.

It’s a Wonderful Life - And finally, lessons from 1946 and an unlikely angel named Clarence Oddbody. “Strange isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?” Much of our lives are spent focused inwardly on what we are going through, what we want, don’t have or how circumstances differ from those we planned for ourselves. We look at our worn out furniture, broken relationships, empty wallets and forget to focus on how our smiles can lighten and brighten someone else’s day, how just the right words can inspire and spark and how leading by example can pave a way for those following you whether you know they are or not.

Many argue that pop culture has lead to the deterioration of society. Not seeing the best in people has done that on it’s own. If we can be enlightened by an altercation with a plastic zip tie, an outspoken pop princess, an archery master in a dystopian society and a fledgling angel fighting for his wings, we can be inspired and inspire those right in front, behind, and below us with encouragement from those above us.

Happy New Year. It’s a new chance, a new day and another opportunity to do you like only you can.

My Grown-Up Christmas Wish

I recently read something that touched deep down and planted solid roots. It, in a sense, stated that as you get older, the gifts you really want can not be bought; at least not with money. As I woke this Christmas Eve, feeling a rare sense (for me anyway) of calm and peace, this concept spoke to me and asked the desires of my heart to come forth. Truly, what I want are things that can not be bought.

Of course, the material, like a bottle of “Beautiful” to throw me into a sense of peace each time I take a whiff or something grand like my dream classic Jag would be nice. The quintessential peace on earth and goodwill toward every atom in the universe would be nice, too. But, what I really want, is to forgive myself for the expectation of perfection I have lived and died a a bit by each day since childhood.

Perfection to me has been ingrained as far as I can remember.  It’s origin so faint, that I don’t know when I wasn’t like this. Vivid memories of throwing away a 2nd grade art project because I didn’t think it was good enough, getting mad after a Casa del Prado dance performance because someone else messed up and “we” weren’t good enough, not being tall enough to model made me not good enough, not getting straight A’s because I wasn’t smart enough. After marrying and becoming a mother, the whole not good enough shifted to I’m not mother enough to: have children reading at age 2, not mother enough to have home cooked meals nightly, children that sit quietly instead of run like banshees (boy-child only), potty training didn’t happen fast enough and bedtime stories, homework checking, team momming and volunteering didn’t happen enough, therefore, I was still not good enough.

Having older kids means having to worry that I’m not good enough at checking online accounts, pushing for homework perfection in them, not good enough to have the money for private schools and club teams, not around emotionally or physically enough, you name it. And that’s external. My hair, my weight, lack friendships and social commitments on my calendar, the chores I haven’t done or books I haven’t read are thrown into the imperfection cauldron.

Exhaustion and depression set in with every review of that list and for that, this year, on this Christmas, I give myself the gift of letting it all go. Each experience, person, situation, though many have been the opposite of what the trying to be perfect me wanted, are let go. In Christianease I say, “Perfection, I rebuke you!”

My gift to the rest of you is the words I wish would have absorbed into my core so many years ago, “You are perfect the way you are. Your smile radiates the spirits of those around you. Your hugs hold up civilizations and your laughter stops tears and plants the seeds of smiles. You, my dear, don’t need to fight for a perfection that has been drawn from pieces of the masses, you are the perfect you as you are when you are just being. So this Christmas, just be, my dear.”

My words to you. Merry Christmas.