Mothering the Mamma

Why is it that we think it’s ok to degrade, berate and criticize ourselves in a way that we would kill someone over if they were to speak to our children that way? Why do we call ourselves fat and ugly and say we will never have those things or people in our lives we dream of? Why is the “not-good-enough” soundtrack on autoplay? Who said that was ok? The sad thing is that this often extends beyond ourselves and we trash other women for their looks, their personalities and god-forbid, their mothering skills. In criticizing them, we are externalizing the criticism we’ve bombarded ourselves with. Sadly, sometimes, it is our own mother’s voices we hear as those words from childhood, “There’s always room for improvement,” “Honey, are you really going to wear that,” and, “You need to do something with your hair,” after you’ve worked on it a solid 30 minutes and just mustered up enough strength to walk out of your room.

In resolving not to make unrealistic New Year’s goals, but rather to focus on how I want to FEEL in 2014, I’ve decided to mother myself in that Fairy Godmother voice of unwavering faith and kindness that is the antithesis of the recordings that have been playing in my head longer than they haven’t been. Lots of “Sweethearts,” “Loves,” “That’s ok baby’s,” and “Good jobs.” Lots of, “Stop thinking that right nows,” and more, “You got this, girl. You’re fierce, now fight ons,” coming from that inner voice that has turned from evil stepmother to Glenda the Good Witch (Lena Horne from the Wiz).

If we don’t speak to ourselves in kind and loving ways, how can we expect anyone else to?

You deserve that fiercely protective, always supportive, honest, life-giving, hugging force and you must start from within you. Breathe kind, wholeness into your spirit so you can be and do what you were put on the planet to do.

For me, that’s changing the soundtrack, being comforted by my own company and being my own biggest cheerleader. I’m searching for my red, sparkly ruby slippers that I can click three times to not go home, but go to a place of kindness, comfort and love.