A Homecoming for SHE...Finding the Fierce that Once Was

Where is that Girl?

Because she held her head high, sounded more like a valley girl and actually loved any body of water, she was called a “stuck up, Oreo,” by the girls who looked like her and was treated like a question mark by those who didn't. Heads turned as she almost glided through the halls, dressed either to the nines, in sweats, uniform or anything that made her different from the others. It was the way she carried herself that set her, what those of the male persuasion called, above the rest. Some said it was her smile and for others, it was her eyes and the way they looked straight into your soul.

For her, it was deciding nothing and no one would keep her from being anything short of unique and incredible all wrapped into one. The best or nothing with fierceness, class, sass and fire. For her it was about futures with no room for error.

Her workable plan came to fruition with the the expected highlights of hard work. A budding career, the proverbial two children and two of America's favorite canines, as close to a picket fence as suburbia would allow; the American dream personified until she stopped to think about what really mattered. 

A hole in her heart. A void where friendships, laughter, and bliss should have been was filled with grief, loneliness and questions about all those sassy sacrifices in addition to all the, “No, I must waits,” “I can’ts,” and “I don’t deserve it’s,” took hold instead. A place where the woes of unemployment, loss of loved ones and the unimaginable pain that comes with that along with impossible expectations clogged what should have been an abundance of vacation memories, empty bottles of wine with girlfriends that she never nurtured relationships with, which left her entering her forties asking, “What did I do wrong?”

Where had the passion and fire gone?  In what was supposed to be the best of times, pain and regret pervaded and “get through” and “serve others” became the mantra. And she did that, for a bit. But the pain reared it’s ugly head with a vengeance as life continued its barrage of gems.

A few from her past resurfaced to remind her of who she was while a spark inside continued to flicker with a gradual increase in presence. Trying to remind herself SHE is still there and that SHE wants out. That SHE is still a fighter and that SHE has not let the fire die completely, in spite of the thunderstorms both internally and worldly inflicted. SHE wants to come home.

Welcome home, my true love, my first love, my SHE. Look out. SHE is no joke if I remember correctly.