I’m Sorry

I’m sorry I’m not the kind of mother who always says yes. Sometimes to opening my wallet like it’s a bottomless pit, sometimes for sensibility sake because a _______ year old doesn't need a ________ or doesn't need to go to ___________. Sometimes, I just I just don’t plain feel like it.

I’m sorry I don’t have the money to buy you everything you want and feel you need and deserve. Even if I could, sometimes I would still say no. Though I admit it kills me when I see other children who don’t deserve things any more than you do, getting the latest “must have” because their parents don’t have to be sorry.

I’m sorry you get a crazy mother who gets tired, angry, cries, works way too much and still can’t make it, sometimes retreats into her crab shell to escape the world, even if it’s just for five minutes.

I’m sorry you don’t have home cooked meals and freshly baked cookies on the regular, Pollyanna greeting you at the door after you've had a long day and take you on regularly scheduled adventure-filled family vacations to paradise.

I AM SORRY!

But, I’m not sorry for being true to me, for working to fight for what I believe for something more than what’s just within my household and my grasp.

I’m not sorry for being cursed with the burden of being a superhero.

I’m not sorry you’ll have to learn by making your own observations and decisions, rather than being spoon fed.

I’m not sorry things will not be handed to you so I can watch you throw them by the wayside because you don’t value them.

I’m not sorry I will miss watching you depressed because you've done everything “right” and life still throws you monkey wrench after monkey wrench after chainsaw.

I’m just sorry I can’t make this world better for you, but I’m trying.