My Kind of Beauty isn't the New, Shiny, Pretty

There are countless posters to posts with slogans touting true beauty to be from within: that it is what we do and how we fulfill our purpose and not, or should not be, measured in terms of outward qualities. However, somewhere, at sometime, a whomever decided "the new, shiny, pretty" had to include extensions and acrylics, lashes, bronzers, toners, padding, injectibles, toe-crinkling high heels, waxing and "landscaping" to shape wear and fillers were a necessary process of what it takes to be beautiful. I'm sure mine was not the last generation to hear, "Beauty is pain, darling."

I'm struck with an incredible sadness at how much bravery it takes to be the non-commercial beauty. While there are some who are ridiculously close to the "new, shiny, pretty-standard" of beauty, or can afford to buy what they don't have to supplement their look and get them to the head of the line, there are others of us who will never approach that standard.

We work to embrace whatever the best in us might be only to look to the next and place ourselves back at the end of the line. How do we truly learn that we are to be more than just OK in our own skin? How do we learn to move forward? For some, it's finding that companion and the look in their eye that lets you know there's at least one person on earth who can see your beauty. But, for those that don't have that, or for those in which that is not enough because the plastic beauty slathered around us has convinced us we can't/won't/will never measure BECAUSE THEY ARENT REAL and we are, what do we do?

How do we teach our young men that the really, truly beautiful ones aren't the brightest shining stars that first catch their eye? How do we teach them to look deeper? How do we validate the good in ourselves and in others and remember that is what is beautiful? How do we teach that hugs don't have to have a nice tan and big boobs? That laughter lights up faces even without wrinkle free baby blues? That all shades of skin, hair types, heights and healthy bodies are capable of love and a reflection of what real women, real beauty is?

Everyone deserves to feel loved and free to be...just be. That is what makes a woman beautiful. But sadly, often it also leaves her alone. Well, at least she's genuinely, glowingly beautiful. Their loss.

Mothering the Mamma

Why is it that we think it’s ok to degrade, berate and criticize ourselves in a way that we would kill someone over if they were to speak to our children that way? Why do we call ourselves fat and ugly and say we will never have those things or people in our lives we dream of? Why is the “not-good-enough” soundtrack on autoplay? Who said that was ok? The sad thing is that this often extends beyond ourselves and we trash other women for their looks, their personalities and god-forbid, their mothering skills. In criticizing them, we are externalizing the criticism we’ve bombarded ourselves with. Sadly, sometimes, it is our own mother’s voices we hear as those words from childhood, “There’s always room for improvement,” “Honey, are you really going to wear that,” and, “You need to do something with your hair,” after you’ve worked on it a solid 30 minutes and just mustered up enough strength to walk out of your room.

In resolving not to make unrealistic New Year’s goals, but rather to focus on how I want to FEEL in 2014, I’ve decided to mother myself in that Fairy Godmother voice of unwavering faith and kindness that is the antithesis of the recordings that have been playing in my head longer than they haven’t been. Lots of “Sweethearts,” “Loves,” “That’s ok baby’s,” and “Good jobs.” Lots of, “Stop thinking that right nows,” and more, “You got this, girl. You’re fierce, now fight ons,” coming from that inner voice that has turned from evil stepmother to Glenda the Good Witch (Lena Horne from the Wiz).

If we don’t speak to ourselves in kind and loving ways, how can we expect anyone else to?

You deserve that fiercely protective, always supportive, honest, life-giving, hugging force and you must start from within you. Breathe kind, wholeness into your spirit so you can be and do what you were put on the planet to do.

For me, that’s changing the soundtrack, being comforted by my own company and being my own biggest cheerleader. I’m searching for my red, sparkly ruby slippers that I can click three times to not go home, but go to a place of kindness, comfort and love.