A Shared Poem for Mother & Son

A Shared Poem for Mother & Son

Mother’s Voice	Shared	Son’s Voice
	I can’t believe you’re my
Son.		Mother.
	We have nothing in common and are nothing alike.
	You
Dance.
		I sing.
I sing.
		You dance.
	Arguing all the while.
	You say I
Don’t listen.		Don’t hear you.
	And it frustrates me that we fight.
	When, truth is, I want to
Help you be your best.		Make you proud.
	Show you
I understand.		I’ve got it covered.
	Convince you
I’m your biggest cheerleader.		I know you’re my biggest fan.
	Please I remember I will
Overreact.		Make mistakes.
	Remember I am not perfect and that I still
Love you.		Need you.
	And am trying to do my best.
	So where do we go from here?
I pray.
		I apologize.
I regret.
		I keep trying.
I worry.
		I pause.
	We’re going to make it. Because in the end,
	I’m  passionate,
	I’m loving,
	And a little bit crazy.
	And I want to really breathe in life.
	So,
I’ll worry less.
		Listen more.
Work to let things go.
		Show you I know.
	And trust
That I’ve taught you the way to go.		That you’ve taught me the way to go.
	Because in the end,
	I love you.

The Paradise inside my Head

Sometimes I live inside my head

Resting on pillow clad hammock

Swaying slightly in the tropical breeze

Putting my mind at ease

When the trouble of the day

Won’t leave me at bay.

The paradise I live in inside my head

Is surrounded with crashing waves

And salty sea sprays

Letting my heart rest

Even momentarily

From the toils of daily struggles

And the wearing of a smile laden mask.

The paradise inside my head

Offers escape

When there’s nowhere else to hide.

So there I abide

In warmth and light

Aglow with my own love

Within the paradise inside my head.

Giving Presents to Find Presence

As the year draws to a close, the time is ripe for reflective moments. Most recently, of the Christmas celebrations with family and friends. I took a new approach this year and worked on giving myself what I could afford of the dream gifts inside my mind.Tickets and plans for a glamorous night out where I might actually wear my tiara and call myself Queen, new clothes that flattered me in the ways I knew would best, things to read and dedicated time to write. Some gifts lay clad in shimmery paper and glistening bows under the tree with the rest, while others, in my mind remain, as promises to self.

Indeed, it’s become the gift that keeps on giving. In spending precious time, creativity and generous energy planning and giving presents to myself, I’ve given presence to myself. For someone who’s given to the point of feeling often, given out, relishing in those things that make my heart sing, give me presence, time and energy; a different kind of prioritizing to the one person I have learned to ignore, push back and make excuses for so long that it is now the norm.

How are you present in your own life? Are you like I’ve been for so long that you’ve forgotten who you really are or what makes you feel childhood glee or have you gone so far the other end that you are only present with yourself? So devoured by your own needs that you don’t see those who love you for who and what they are, for the gifts they have and for the presence they would like to share with you. As we get older, both are popular paths.

So, as 2016 is about to dawn, I challenge you to see where your presence really is. Under a tree among other tossed aside toys, engulfed in self hatred or selfishness? Or is it in the moment filling your spirit so you can shine and inspire others to do the same?

It’s ironic the presents, reminded me of the presence I have given to everyone but me. And this discovery, is my gift to you. Cheers to daily  presence in 2016.

Grown Up Christmas Without Dreams

Back when I was “young and cute,”

With plans and hopes and dreams,

Thinking there was a “way”

Just to be

Successful

Happy

Beautiful and Bright

Like the lights that make their once yearly appearance.

Thought there’d be yearly Christmas photos on the beach

And driving to see lights.

Decorating together

And sharing spiked eggnog

And fireplace snuggles while

Entranced by packages tied up with strings

Shining brightly under the tree.

Instead.

Grown up silence that cuts like a knife

Dreaded chores and trips to the store

Longing glances at those now “young and cute” and hope filled,

Yet to be jaded and battered

By life’s trials.

Looking ahead at more slowing and loneliness

Regretting the should haves

Knowing for some things, it’s just too late.

Sentimental tears fall on middle aged cheeks

Where childish dreams used to live.

Replaced with practiced smiles and holding on to observed joy

Like beautiful holly with its spiked green leaves,

Grown-up Christmas without dreams.

Inspired by The First Full Day of Winter

The first full day of Winter

And the darkness inside me is almost as deeply entrenched.

As the year draws to a close,

And I look to 2016 to be bigger, better and truer,

I have to ask where my mind is and how

I will be the change

I want to see.

And not just for others, this time, for me.

I look back at so many times

I sacrificed what I truly wanted for excuses.

That my not having would make someone else happy.

Then, it became,”well, no one is going to make me happy

So I might as well make others happy,

To “give and maybe, one day, you will get.”

And here I am,

All given out,

Used up and feeling thrown out

So even the smallest of caring gestures

Is overlooked and taken

In jest and joust.

Here I am,

Owning responsibility for

Others taking that giving for granted.

Blaming me for not hearing the phone ring.

For laughing alone in the the theater

Or toasting “Salud,” with my invisible twin.

So winter with it’s short days and engulfing darkness

Befriend me and the healing

That must begin

So this is the end

Of the deepest, darkest, saddest day.

'Tis the Season for Tears to Fall

‘Tis the season for tears to fall

as memories flood.

Like hearing of Norad’s tracking of Santa

And appreciating the leverage that held

Over excited children

Fighting bedtime

In spite of new Christmas jammies.

The little children are gone,

Replaced with ever sleeping,

Never present teens.

‘Tis the season for tears to fall

as memories flood.

In seeing tiny tots eyes all aglow

From holiday lights engulfing homes

A growing bounty of gifts under the tree

And pleas to Santa with smiles in photos from bribery.

Teen eyes might glow, but no longer my doing

As they ready to leave the nest.

‘Tis the season for tears to fall

As memories flood. All the way to my own youth.

Dad’s drinking scotch arguing over whose lights are best

As mom’s scramble in kitchens

Counters covered in sweet and savory

The delicacies in crystal dishes, the stars

Only second to her efforts to create the perfect holiday.

And that leaves me now

Empty.

Alone.

Wondering where the joy could be.

Is it still there deep down

Somewhere inside of me?

Santa, dare I make a Christmas wish

Will you not pass me by

As you journey the sky?

So nice I’ve been

And have in a sense

Given so much,

I’ve given myself away.

My Christmas Wish

For laughter and rest.

For love and lightheartedness.

For peace within and out.

For generosity and care

To all who venture or dare

To say they truly care about me.