Loneliness

Lonely is that bone aching feeling of inner darkness

Where you question what is wrong with you

so much so that no one wants to be with you.

Not your family,

Not your non-existent friends

Not those who smile and hug,

yet never make your cell phone buzz.

Only those who can't speak;

The pets, the ghosts

Stay by your side.

So lonely, that spending Friday night watching the

Emotionally ill, wounded souls on TV

Actually is the plan

so you see people hurting more than you.

Feeling unloved, unliked, unwelcomed.

Heart aching

Tears welling, pooling and

Threatening to go beyond the dam and

Onto cheeks and throat and back down to the aching heart.

How do you fix?

Who do you call?

Who will say yes,

They want to be with you

That they like being with you

You make them smile

And feel better

And glow

And grow.

Do I show up downtown alone and take that big a chance

In more ways than one?

Or, sit at home and wish I had gone.

So I dress to my best

Hold my head up

Fake the confidence I wish I had

Smile and find my outgoing inner twin

Wander

And go home feeling just as alone,

but having gotten out of the house while the

Nervous nelly in me yells with worry

while I drive

All the way home.

Wondering if the lonely will have lifted

Just a bit

Will I make a lasting impression on someone

Enough that they will want me

Even a little?

Lonely sucks,

Is it what I'm meant to be?