Yearly Mammogram- From "The Girls'" Perspective

Why is our heart racing so much, gee-sh, just another visit to the Dr.’s office. Wait, why aren't we taking the stairs, why are we veering to the left and towards the smiling, badged lady with the sign above prominently displaying. R-a-d-i-o-l-o-g-y? Wow, that was a quick wait and to a secondary, pink-filled, ribbon clad room that seems to have a decor screaming “girly.” What’s that form you’re filling out? A family history of...breast cancer? No, we don’t have any of that, but we are 42, so, that means we’re back to the massive smooshy, hold your breath and don’t move while the life is being squeezed out of us place. It’s time for our MAMMOGRAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK, we can do this, we got this, girrrrrl. Deep breath. No, no family history here. No, we didn’t feel anything in a monthly exam. No, we haven’t had any problems. Just here because it’s been one year since we visited last. Oh, it’s our turn. OK. Breathe again. Sure, we’ll strip below the waist and put on the pink patterned, yet not so cute snap front cape in the softly lit x-ray room. Yes, we did wear deodorant today and will clean with the wipey thingy sitting on the counter marked “wipes,” next to the after “deodorant” wipe. All right, I’ll step forward, place my right twin on the flat, fabric covered plate, let you situate and handle me, and tighten the plates until I’m in just the right spot and hold my breath. Phew, release. Now repeat. What, I’m not done? You have to switch the plates to get another view. That means another squeeze? Oh! Yes, I’m frozen and we’re not breathing. Now repeat...What, we’re done? Yes, we will have a nice day. And, thank you for caring for us. Thank you for the photo shoot to see if we’re OK or if there are foreign bodies trying to invade and destroy us. We have so much left to do. So, no, we don’t like the way it feels, but we appreciate you. Thank you for loving us enough...